Lucie’s quotes

“God Missy Elliott is so unwomanly!”
“Gaymers…. sounds a bit gay”
“I’d be such a good person for the Truman Show. I’d be the best. It would be called the Tetley Show and everyone would watch it.”
“Do you ever get that? Where you just suddenly can’t talk? It’s like you’ve forgotten what words are”
Whenever she drives on the wrong side of the road “Ooh I’m American”
“I eat bananas you know”
“Banana skins are really weird, I bet you could make clothes out of them. Except they’d turn black and smell”
(Harmonica practise) “I think it’s broken, it doesn’t do a proper scale”
“I think I’m having a conversation with the cat”
“Why are there talking monkeys and talking humans! It’s never going to happen at the same time!”
“The Berlin wall was real wasn’t it?”
“What’s the word that’s like university but means the whole world?”
“One of the guys at work convinced me that tennis balls are made of tennis and now he keeps laughing at me”
“I could be dead right now”
“Is that the Berlin Wall?” (looking at the great wall of china)
“Is that France?” (looking across the river to liverpool)
“I think I’d win a gurning competition. My face is very stretchy”
“This is the stupidest question I’ve ever asked (debatable) but wouldn’t it be weird if women had testosterone and men had hormones?”
“Can you get different flavours of curd?”
“This is a great way to stash food for a film cos this way you wont eat it all at once” (smearing chocolate spread round her face)
“Where are the Romans from?”
(then while re-reading this list of quotes she whispered romania to herself…)
“I’ve only ever heard it in films you know, bunnyboiler, bunnies are nice, boil a bunny, ruin a good time”
“Gravity might not be real”
“Are soundwaves visible? Like if they are big enough can you actually see them?”
“Reindeer are real, did you know that?”
“To build houses and stuff… are bricks made or are they just found?”
“It’s not going to melt Abigail, it’s cheese! … Cheese melts doesn’t it…”
“Why do people say neck of the woods instead of like, back of the woods? ooh back of the woods, that works!”
“I think it was an old D&G advert and it had like really old women and children in horrible tartan and I was like I hate tartan, I hate tartan. Then I remembered I LOVE tartan”
“You would not believe the amount I’ve cried this afternoon at High School Musical”
“I think I’ve got a headache from crying! But it’s not… they’re happy tears as well” (HSM again)
“Do you ever get it where youre sat down for ages and you know you need the toilet but for some reason you think holding on will make everything better? And it gets to like half an hour later and you dont know what you were thinking, but still you wait. And then another half hour goes by and you only just make it to the toilet?”
“Dorling Kindersley… is that a man or a woman?”
“I’d be a rubbish woman in the army. What do you call it, soldier”
“I am my own critic and I think I’m bloody brilliant”
“So did humans use to have tails?”
“That horse was quite pretty, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was married”
“Come on guys, chip chop”
“Wine makes me fun… woooo!”
“Me and life don’t get on”
“It’s times like this I wish I was a motorbike”
“Can you see your brain? If you look up your nose? Oh no, that wouldn’t work would it, because you can’t look up your own nose”

Lucie: Why does he (eddie izzard) look like a woman?
Me: He’s a transvestite!
Lucie: Really?! So which one is he, a man or a woman?

(shouting at the phone) “Take your time, I’ve got all day!” (then whispered to me) “I haven’t got all day is what you’re supposed to say isn’t it”

Lucie: Maybe it’s like 7D
Me: Do you realise what you’re saying?! There aren’t more than 3 dimensions apart from the 4th which is time. length, depth and width!
Lucie: Yeah but what if it’s an octagon… 8 sides!

Lucie: Whats Scandinavia?
Me: Sweden, Norway, Finland…
Lucie: Ohh, I thought it was a separate country!
(and various other confusion about european countries) e.g….
“Is Australia in the EU?”

Me: Why don’t you put your clothes away?
Lucie: I don’t know, it’s like every rolling stone gathers no moss… that didn’t make sense did it?

Me: I’ll help you tomorrow
Lucie: You said you’d help me yesterday but you just left me to do my own thing and you know that never works!

Lucie: Oh Sophie, you’ve got your dress in the fire!
Sophie: It’s pretend fire!
Lucie: Oh…

Lucie: I’d love to be a stalker
Becky: It’s a lonely life
Lucie: No, cos you’d always be with them, whether they know it or not!

Me: Are you a bit peckish?
Lucie: No, just greedy!

Sharkey’s quotes

“They are my favourite fruit, the angle is just perfect” (bananas)
“I prefer it when your drink gets spiked, it makes the night more interesting”
“I think I’ve violated the 1st rule of hot water bottles - don’t use boiling water!”
“I haven’t worn deodorant since 2004, aluminium gives you alzheimers”
“I’m not very good at reading aloud anymore am I?”
“This is better than any pill I’ve ever taken” (pointing at arron’s chewing gum packet)

Jill: I’ve never been raped… I think I need to get raped
Sharkey: I don’t think it’s rape when you ask for it jill!

Laura: What’s your middle name?
Sharkey: Jesus

Sharkey: I got voted 2nd most autistic person on my course
Me: Well, at least you weren’t the 1st!
Sharkey: Well the 1st was actually autistic

Becky: Do you have any experience working in a bar?
Sharkey: I have lots of experience in bars!

Becky Branflakes quotes

“When I fell into the fire, I put on E45 cream three times a day and now I have no scars. It really hurt you know!”
“You make out like I have erratic behaviour! What are you on about?!”

Me: The closest thing to fruit in our fruit bowl is the fruit salads!
Becky: (with a mouth full of doughnut) Hey! I resent that! There’s fruit in the vimto lollies!

“I do concur that quote is excellent, even if it does make me sound like a pleb. Either a pleb or a genius.”
“He drinks more water than a camel! That’s a bad analogy isn’t it…”
“Oh you were right, this trolley is for 2 children”

Laura Bowden’s quotes

“I fancy death”
“Ohh, I’m not a monkey anymore”
“I’m an introvert”
“I feel like forgotten something…. oh no wait, I’ve got my clothes on!”
“What does the EU stand for?” 
“I’d go training all the time if there was a sealion in the pool”
“What do they call firemen then? they’re not all men… *long pause*… fire-putter-outerrers?” 
“Aren’t amoeba so small you can’t actually see them?” 
“I’d like to work in a vodka factory… as a tester”
(when reading the bible) “I don’t get it….”
“I wonder what happens after you die… shall we get doughnuts?”
(discussing the pigeon with no feet she saw) “It seemed to be having a good time, it wasn’t embarrassed or anything!”
(about the crazy woman rocking back and forth on the bench next to us) “Maybe she needs the toilet!”
“How good would it be if your surname was kopparberg?”
“My new mission is to become unweird”
“The only thing that’s weird about us is you!” (talking about why people think we’re weird, a bit harsh i feel)
“When I was little I wanted to be a gladiator”
“I would prefer to be a scientister than a neuroscientister”
“When she said ancoats I thought of red coats, then I thought of butlins, then pontins, then why does my mind work like that. I should just stop thinking”
“I want a fucking cookie”
“Do you think they have kopparberg in heaven?”
(Singing) “Stop right now, thank you very much, I need some toast cos I’m fucking starving”
“I could imagine Mckenna as a corpse”
“I got hit by a bus this morning”
Why had the cockroach in the swimming pool disappeared? “Maybe its friend came and cremated it”
“How do you spell my name?”
“I sometimes feel sober, and sometimes I don’t”
Playing frustration “If I eat some (playing pieces) it would be like I’m winning”
“My fingers aren’t working”
“I could smell alcohol in my room the other day, I think it was my dressing gown”
“I’ve got a new boss, he’s a man. At least I think he is, he’s called John”
“It’s like a bus with wheels!” (a tram)
“Don’t ever lift a building up if you don’t have permission”
“I can’t stay long, I’ve flushed my phone down the toilet so don’t bother ringing it”
“I can’t see in the dark”
“I’m Indian, but albino”
“I don’t feel drunk, I just feel as if I could fall over at any moment”


Me: Why do you always ask me if you can go to the toilet?
Laura: It’s so if you say no I can wee in your bed

Me: What the hell are they drilling for, oil?!
Laura: I was going to say gold but that’s really stupid

Laura: I want to learn braille
Me: Why?!
Laura: So i can pretend to be blind for a day and go hmm I know what this says!

Laura: No, we’re not builders…
Me: Well what’s a construction worker?
Laura: A guy who works on buildings…
Me: A builder?!

“It’s like mummy and daddy kopparberg!” (while holding two bottles, then she put them together…) “Ooh they can kiss!”

Me (to Mckenna): I think I freaked out your friend!
Laura: No, I think I did, I said I’d film them having sex!